🏛️ Est. 1873 | Multi-Award Finalist Agency
Ideas That Sound Important™
đź”’ Client Dashboard (Beta)
We bring clarity to complex markets.
At Vaguely Strategic™, we help brands navigate the blurred lines between innovation and nonsense. Whether you’re launching an influencer cologne for pets or reimagining root vegetables, we deliver structured solutions with unstructured thinking. Our clients trust us to confuse the market with confidence.
We Build Strategies That Feel Strategic
At Vaguely Strategic™, we specialise in making products sound more impressive than they actually are. Whether you’re launching a half-baked app or a full-fat lifestyle brand, we add the buzzwords and bullet points to make it feel like it matters.
Latest Launch: Hollowfield™ LightCore
A potato engineered for lighter lifts and lighter expectations. Hollowfield™ LightCore is proof that anything can be rebranded if you’re bold (and vague) enough.
Recognised by Almost Dozens
At Vaguely Strategic™, we’ve been almost acknowledged for our nearly-award-winning work. From half-baked apps to overhyped lifestyle brands, we add just enough jargon to sound impressive — without the burden of actual results.
Foglite™ is our AI-adjacent window into a carefully curated sliver of digital reality. Drawing from inconsistent datasets and assumption-led insights, it condenses the blur of online noise into something that looks almost actionable.
Whether you’re trying to gauge who might be noticing your brand, why someone possibly clicked a thing, or what your competitors may or may not be doing, Foglite™ gives you the illusion of knowing — fast.
As a self-appointed leader in market ambiguity, Foglite™ is your unfair advantage in a world where clarity is frankly overrated.
Illuminate less. Interpret more.™
What We Offer (We Think)
We provide a range of marketing services — most of which are real, all of which are billable.
Brand Whispering™
We interpret what your brand is trying to say when even it isn’t sure.Full-Funnel Confusion
We’ll build you a marketing funnel with so many stages you forget what the goal was.Legacy Leverage
Tap into ideas that worked in 1998, repackaged with modern stock photos.
Our Impact (Debatable)
We’ve helped hundreds of clients achieve things that vaguely resemble growth.
“They increased our CTR by 400%. We’re still not sure what CTR means.” — Actual Client
“They made a viral campaign. We just wish it hadn’t been a public apology.” — CEO, Brand in Recovery
“I think they’re still working on our pitch deck. It’s been 11 months.” — Former Startup Founder
The Vaguely Strategic Forecast™
Your brand’s future, algorithmically divined and confidently misinterpreted.
| Metric | Status | Interpretation |
|---|---|---|
| Vision Resonance | 12% | Your brand emits a vision, but it's mostly static. |
| Buzzword Saturation | 137% (critical) | You’ve exceeded safe limits. Dial back "synergy." |
| Authenticity Echo | 4.2 dB | Echo chamber detected. Consumers hear... nothing. |
| Conversion Karma | Neutral | You get what you give. And you gave vague CTAs. |
| Purpose Drift | Drifting North-East | Your purpose is migrating. Possibly to HR. |
Strategic Horoscope
For: [Insert Company Name]
"Libra in the Third Funnel"
Your brand is seeking balance but has 7 simultaneous CTAs. This week, avoid bold fonts and Mercury retrogrades. Postpone rebrands. Consider sacrificing a landing page to appease the algorithm gods.
Persona Alignment Scan
- The Indecisive Scroller — Likes your posts but never clicks.
- The Eternal Beta Tester — Signs up, never buys.
- The Juice Cleanse Thought Leader — Commented “🔥” once in 2018.
Next Steps (As Interpreted by the Algorithm)
- Rebrand — You just finished one, but the data says "do it again."
- Start a podcast — No topic needed. Just vibes.
- Run a webinar no one attends — For authenticity.
- Schedule a workshop about scheduling workshops — Classic recursion loop.
Get a New Forecast
Warning: Results may vary wildly depending on lunar marketing cycles.